A GUY’S WORST nightmare is when he meets a woman that brings old baggage into a new relationship. I met Sarah. She was previously married to the wrong man. And when she spoke about her previous relationships, a pattern emerged – her insecurity. It ended our relationship – but not our friendship – I knew what she was looking for and we both knew it wasn’t me.
Sarah concentrated so much on being liked that she never took the time to check the other person out. She had no ‘go-slow’ tactics at the beginning of any of her previous relationships – the best time for exploring and assessing the qualities of someone you don’t know that well. Starting slow gives us a chance to think about whether you’re compatible before taking the plunge.
It turned out that Sarah’s self-image was low – she felt that any man who was attracted to her must be clung onto because she had been single for too long. She went for men who seemed competent and confident to make up for her sense of inadequacy and that feeling of not coping on her own. I’m a pretty confident guy, but I felt she was latching on to the very things she thought she lacked. I felt uncomfortable with how over-impressed she was about me.
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